When your spouse is deployed, you must face challenges, decisions, and emotions you never expected to handle alone. Military spouses report feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and drained during deployment. If you’re struggling with military spouse depression during deployment, you are far from alone. In fact, military wives are more than twice as likely to struggle with depression than women in the general population, according to one study.
Depression doesn’t always look like sadness. Whether you can’t stop crying, feel angry all the time, are constantly exhausted (even after rest), or you just don’t feel like yourself–or all of the above–know that what you’re feeling is completely normal. Depression during spouse deployment looks different for everyone, and we at Advantage TMS are here to help you find support and healing.
As a military spouse, this guide is for you, the unsung hero of the home front. We’re here to help you recognize early signs of depression, understand the emotional stages of deployment, and explore the tools available to support your mental health.
According to research from the Navy, more than half of our nation’s servicemembers are married. The frequent moves, loneliness, and uncertainty of military life can result in many military spouses experiencing depression.
A special report from the Army, by the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, found that depression in military spouses is often tied to:
Depression looks different for everyone. You may feel low energy, angry, or you may struggle to feel anything at all.
Here are some signs you might be depressed:
If you experience these symptoms for more than a couple of weeks, it’s time to reach out for help. If talk therapy hasn’t worked, TMS therapy might be the light at the end of the tunnel. Click here to schedule a free consultation with our TMS therapy clinic if you’re experiencing treatment-resistant military spouse depression.
Deployment can be a significant cause of military spouse depression. And spousal deployment stress doesn’t only show up while your partner is away; it often begins before they depart and can linger long after they have returned home. According to research from the Coast Guard, there are 7 stages of emotions that military spouses experience during deployment. Understanding these stages can help you identify what you’re feeling, and reassure you that you’re not alone in your struggles.
Weeks before your spouse leaves, the tension starts to build. You may notice that you fight more, are less patient with each other, and you both feel an overwhelming sense of dread. It’s confusing, and you may feel guilty for feeling irritated; after all, shouldn’t you be making the most of your time together? The truth is, the stress of your impending separation frequently manifests as frustration and emotional distance.
As your spouse’s departure day nears, many partners will begin to pull away from each other emotionally. Tasks pile up, you both feel exhausted, and intimacy often declines. You might feel numb or disconnected, which are normal protective mechanisms that kick in as your nervous system is preparing for the stress of saying goodbye.
When your spouse leaves for deployment, it often feels devastating. You may struggle to do everyday tasks that have never been hard for you before. Reach out to your friends and family and lean on your support system if you experience depression during spouse deployment. And if you can’t shake feeling low, contact a mental healthcare provider to discover what treatment options are available.
After your initial grief passes, you may find yourself experiencing a strange sense of freedom. With the house to yourself, you can eat ice cream for dinner and set the temperature how you please.
But then comes the guilt. The loneliness. The crushing realization that this is your “normal” for the foreseeable future. The gut-wrenching fear that your spouse may be in danger, and the helplessness you feel stuck at home.
This is the most difficult phase of deployment. Prioritize your own mental health by connecting with your community, honoring your feelings, and seeking treatment for your depression if symptoms persist.
Some military spouses eventually find their stride, finding coping strategies and connection with their partner that gives them renewed strength and energy to conquer their to-do lists. Spouses at home might begin to throw themselves into new hobbies, or projects they’d been putting off for years.
You may not feel this wave of renewed energy–and that’s okay. If you find continuing to experience depression during spouse deployment, it may be time to talk to a doctor about your mental health.
Your spouse is finally coming home! You may feel excited or nervous. During your time apart, you’ve both changed, so much has happened. Your partner’s return will require some big adjustments for you both. You may channel your anxiety into preparing for your partner’s return home.
Reunion is joyful, but it’s also a transition. The independence you created must shift as you share space, parent, and make decisions with your partner again. Communication and compassion are key to adjusting together. Remember, it’s you and your spouse vs the problem, not you vs your spouse. Breathe, share what’s hard for you, and let your spouse support you through it, and do the same for them.
Eventually, life finds a new normal. The stress eases. You and your spouse relearn each other’s rhythms. But sometimes, the emotional distress of your time apart persists. This is another time when depression can quietly return–don’t ignore it.
It’s normal to feel sad or overwhelmed during deployment. But when that sadness becomes persisten–when it robs you of joy, disrupts your sleep, affects your energy, or makes you feel hopeless–it may be depression.
Whether you’re looking for therapy, community, or just someone to talk to, these family support organizations are here for military spouses like you:
When life is turned upside down with a deployment, it’s only natural to feel upset. Feeling distressed during your partner’s absence doesn’t mean something is wrong with you—it just means you care deeply, and this is hard. But you don’t have to face it all on your own. Taking care of your mental health is just as important as everything else you’re juggling.
Reach out to the Advantage TMS team now to get started on learning to overcome military spouse depression. Contact us online, give us a call at (727) 609-3657, or schedule your free TMS consultation now. Advantage TMS accepts Tricare and Champ VA, making this innovative treatment accessible to active-duty service members, veterans, and their families.
U.S. Coast Guard. (n.d.). The 7 Emotional Cycles of Deployment [PDF]. U.S. Coast Guard Pacific Area. https://www.pacificarea.uscg.mil/Portals/8/Documents/The%207%20Emotional%20Cycles%20of%20Deployment.pdf?ver=2017-08-15-160305-400
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