Military families face challenges that civilian families do not often experience. When a parent is deployed, the entire family dynamic often changes quickly. While the spotlight is on the deployed service member and the spouse remaining at home, children often carry an unseen weight that can show up as depression.
Military children are actually more than twice as likely to experience depression and substance use versus their civilian peers. Recognizing the signs, causes, and treatment options for childhood depression in military families is important to protect our youngest family members.
Deployment doesn’t just separate families by distance; it also creates emotional gaps that children find hard to close. Unlike adults, who are more equipped to handle the emotional stress, kids often have a much more difficult time processing the absence of a parent.
A 12-year-old doesn’t grasp national security or military duties. They only know that their mom or dad isn’t there to read bedtime stories, go to soccer games, or help with homework. This absence leaves a hole that kids may fill with feelings of abandonment, guilt, or fear.
The unpredictability of military life also makes these emotions even tougher. Deployments sometimes stretch longer than expected. Plans can change suddenly. For children who need routine and security more than parents do, this ongoing uncertainty can cause chronic stress and depression.
Children may show depression differently than adults. While adults might describe feelings of sadness or hopelessness, children usually express these feelings through changes in behavior. Parents and caregivers might mistake this for “acting out” or “going through a phase.”
Look for big changes in your child’s usual patterns. If a previously outgoing child becomes shy and stops playing with friends, it could be a sign something is wrong. Academic performance can decline too. Even if grades aren’t declining, attention span or motivation to finish assignments could be affected.
Sleep problems are also common but often ignored. Some children may have difficulty falling asleep, lying awake while worrying about their deployed parent. Others may sleep too much, using rest to escape difficult feelings. Both of these behaviors can signal depression in children with a deployed parent.
Physical complaints without clear causes also often arise. Headaches, stomachaches, and general fatigue may seem unrelated to emotional health, but children often show psychological stress through physical symptoms.
Most concerning are comments about feeling worthless, unwanted, or responsible for the parent’s deployment. Depression in children can surface as self-blame in many cases.
When one parent deploys, the other parent suddenly has to take on everything alone. This situation adds extra stress, which children can sense even if parents try to cover up their difficulties.
The at-home parent may be facing their own feelings of depression, anxiety, or an overwhelming sense of responsibility. Children are very perceptive, however, and often notice when their remaining parent is struggling, which adds to their emotional load.
Changes in household rules, routines, and expectations can also lead to depression in children. Bedtime might become more relaxed, or the remaining parent might become stricter to keep things in order. In either case, these changes can sometimes leave children feeling unstable and insecure.
Toddlers and preschoolers may regress in their development. They might return to behaviors they had previously outgrown, like bedwetting or thumb-sucking. They can become clingy with the parent who is still around or feel anxious when going to daycare or with babysitters.
School-age children sometimes have trouble concentrating and performing academically. They might become aggressive with classmates or withdraw from social activities. These children may understand that their deployed parent could be in danger, leading to ongoing worry and fear.
Teenagers face their own unique challenges as they try to balance normal development with family stress. They may take on adult responsibilities to help the remaining parent, which can hurt their own social growth and mental health. Some teens might engage in risky behaviors, while others become overly responsible and grow up too fast.
Seeking professional help is often the first course of action if symptoms of depression last for more than two weeks or significantly disrupt daily life. Military families can also access specialized resources through Military Family Life Counselors, including the normal avenues through chaplains, and base mental health services.
Traditional therapy methods, such as cognitive behavioral therapy, help children learn coping strategies and manage their emotions in healthy ways. Group therapy with other military children can be especially effective. It reduces feelings of isolation and helps children understand they are not alone in their experiences.
Families looking for alternatives to medication can also explore treatment options like TMS therapy, an FDA cleared treatment for depression in adolescents and adults. At Advantage TMS, we understand the unique challenges military families face. We accept many insurance providers including Tricare and Champ VA to make treatment accessible. We are a family friendly office so parents can bring young children to their appointments and we provide TMS Monday-Friday 8 am – 8 pm and on Saturdays to accommodate busy family life.
Creating predictable routines often helps children feel secure during uncertain times. Regular meal times, consistent bedtimes, and planned family activities help provide some of the feelings of stability that children need at home.
Families can also be open with communication about the deployment while keeping information suitable for their age. Younger children need simple explanations. Older children can handle more detailed discussions about the parent’s deployment and expected return.
Technology can help connect deployed parents and children. Regular video calls and shared activities like reading the same book can maintain connections across distances when possible.
Military children are resilient, but they shouldn’t face depression on their own. Early recognition and intervention can stop temporary sadness from turning into long-term mental health issues.
Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness; it shows strength and good parenting. Military families serve our country, and supporting the mental health of military children is part of how we can support those who sacrifice for our freedom.
If you see signs of depression in your child during deployment, don’t wait. Your child’s emotional well-being is incredibly important, and there are people ready to help your family through this tough time. Reach out to military family services, talk to your child’s school counselor, or contact mental health professionals who understand military life. If you are interested in TMS therapy for adults or adolescents, contact us today.
Wooten, N. R., Brittingham, J. A., Sumi, N. S., Pitner, R. O., & Moore, K. D. (2019). Behavioral Health Service Use by Military Children During Afghanistan and Iraq Wars. The journal of behavioral health services & research, 46(4), 549–569. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11414-018-09646-0
Cappa, K. A., Begle, A. M., Conger, J. C., Dumas, J. E., & Conger, A. J. (2011). Bidirectional Relationships Between Parenting Stress and Child Coping Competence: Findings From the Pace Study. Journal of child and family studies, 20(3), 334–342. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-010-9397-0
Rice, F., Riglin, L., Lomax, T., Souter, E., Potter, R., Smith, D. J., Thapar, A. K., & Thapar, A. (2019). Adolescent and adult differences in major depression symptom profiles. Journal of affective disorders, 243, 175–181. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2018.09.015
Our office is closed Wednesday, October 9 and Thursday, October 10, 2024, due to the storm. If you have any questions or urgent requests, please email us at info@advantagementalhealth.com.
Please fill out the form if you have a patient interested in learning more about TMS treatment. We appreciate the referral and partnership.
Next Steps:
• Our TMS Coordinator will contact the patient to schedule a complimentary information session.
• If the patient decides to seek TMS treatment with Advantage TMS, we will communicate with you when necessary and the patient will continue to work with you while receiving treatment.
Questions?
• Please don’t hesitate to contact us at 727-600-8093 or info@advantagementalhealth.com
